9:47 p.m. 2008-11-21
So apparently Liza does know that I've been crying alot these days. And she scolded me 'so stupid' because it's my fault and yet I'm always acting like I've been victimized.
At least I admit that it's my fault, ok...
When alot of things go awry all at once, I tend to get really irrational about my emotions. And that's when things start to go really wrong, for all the wrong reasons. And the worst thing's that alot of people tend to get implicated (including the traumatized lady at the corridor who watched me bawling and walking past without noticing her). Sometimes I get really tired of myself, but can I help it? Can I stop hurting the people around me? Can I stop all this nonsense?
I don't really care if I scored 92% for my 2220 assignment. It just pissed me off further because I didn't even put in effort, so I don't deserve it. And I saw that tutor whom I hate with a vengeance.
And Jodie went home even before I could consult her.
And my ass hurts from the mugging.
And my shoulders hurt from my sis' kneading.
And I made the husband feel like the biggest sinner in the world.
And in return I made myself feel like the biggest sinner in the world.
And I'm hungry and craving Nutella.
And I lack caffeine.
And the husband's not home yet.
And I'm not in the mood to mug, but 2101's tomorrow.
And I'm getting increasingly sick of 3880.
P.S. Thanks to Ah Lai for the concern and encouragement. I'll heed the Dean's list guy's advice.
11:58 p.m. 2008-11-13
Funniest thing I heard today:
ďWhy must put a filter before the microphone? Filter off saliva?Ē
Been driving these few days, but the weather has been disagreeing with me. So donít blame me for being fashionably-unsavvy by walking around with a huge rainbow-hued umbrella. If the school doesnít want to give me free parking at Arts or build a shelter at Kent Vale, Iíll die an accidental fashion victim. And my driving skills are deteriorating; Iíll just miss getting into an accident every single time I drive. OMG. Iím turning into a road hazard. I think Ah Lai, Kailing and XuanYu will think twice before hitching a ride. The husband is just immune to it.
Or is he?
Haha, and NUS Geyao recently crowned 2 new couples! Oh my, I think I have a hard time tracing the number of couples we have. 6? And plenty of semi-couples (i.e. one party is non-Geyao) as well. Are we all cute or what?!
2219 presentation. I think Eugene simply dislikes our group. He has to make such fugly comments on everything we do, and shoot down every single thing weíre thought of. Iíll definitely look forward to not seeing him for any of my future modules.
I just took a glance at my humongous stack of 2101 notes. I should go sleep.
12:30 a.m. 2008-11-13
I realised thereís a lot of things I donít really have control over, and yet feel sore over the fact that I canít control them. Itís like trying to blame fate for bringing me to where I am today. No matter how much I try to defer that queasy feeling of regret, of all sorts, it still comes back to me and hits me with even more veracity than I thought. Iím just so baffled with what I am outside and within, and yet I fear to prod further, for fear that the salience of much truth will overwhelm my understanding of it all.
Am I losing too much of myself to the clutter of disbelief around me?
I think I need to get used to the form of catharsis Iím subjecting my emotions to. I keep thinking itís wrong, especially when everyone else thinks so as well. I need to find that that balance, that fine-tune to my life that will make it all easier to say Iím alright.
I think I need to stop rambling. And start thinking about being a better me to everyone else.
5:53 p.m. 2008-11-08
My mood was really horrendous for the past few days. Bad mood swings, even worse weather with all the heat, painstakingly boring lectures, end of the semester, nearing the exams, chocolate ban, cramps, dog food in school, no mugging places, horrible school staff on the bus shoving people, recording tomorrow, project deadlines, one-man project groups...
I can jolly well make you another list of another 100 things that's killing my mood.
Recording trial tomorrow! First time facing the condenser mic, and I have no idea what to expect. Yuanhong's recording threw me off my feet. It's positive stress, I hope.
10:49 p.m. 2008-11-05
I just can't believe that this institution is a university, when it hires some people who have no general etiquette. Hands up, for those who got really annoyed at adults who stand by the queue INSTEAD of JOINING the queue. Hello?! Does being adults give you the excuse to for your own priority queue? We people spent 15 minutes snaking in the queue, and we get such low-class citizens jumping queue. I won't even mention the race of the ADULT couple who did so, amongst some others whose faces I was too infuriated to catch. Don't get me started on that, or else I'll be offending a fifth of the world's population. And did I mention that the lady actually made that tsk sound and making comments like "Ooei ask them to move in leh!" when SHE was the one who wanted to barge onto the bus? What has the world become.
And I'm guilty of skipping lectures recently, just to complete my projects. JS project has just been cleared yesterday, while 2220 and 2101 will be cleared by this Friday. I seriously need to start studying. 2101 is 2 weeks away.
Tuition has been a nightmare, with nightmare kids to handle. The pay rise was definitely justified.
11:15 p.m. 2008-11-03
Just before I could blog about the perfect place we found for mugging, it has become infested with our comrades.
Just our schoolmates. I donít really like to associate myself with people from other planets.
Today was pretty eventful, firstly with me screwing up my 3880A presentation (I think my group members canít wait to get their fists in my face), then with me screwing up my JS2228 argument during tutorial. I thought my entire day would be terribly screwed, and even more so when I was late for tuition, and my tuition kids happened to give me the silent treatment for the 3 hours I was there. ďDamn itĒ, I thought. And at this point of time, when I have a 1000-word part-of-an-essay to hand in tomorrow, Iím still blogging. Great.
Great things to look forward to:
Wrapping up JS2228 Project tomorrow
Wrapping up NM2101 and NM2220 Project on 7/11
Cashing that cheque
Passing that S.H.E my mum bought for Jack to him
Shen Mu Yu Tong concert on 13/11
The boyfriend and I happened to be having this Ďconversationí in the library just now.
[I was complaining about this pair of noisy students yakking loudly at the computer booth, when it was obviously a library]
Mr. J: They tink this is ***** mahÖ
Cows = goats = dogs
Dogs can be classified into b***hes and b***h f**kers
Hence, ***** people in ***Öthose in front of usÖ= b***hes and b***h f**kers
[Then we were talking about this Facebook photo posted by Kailing.]
Ms. J: You look as though i bullied u.
Hen wei qu.
[At this point of time, the boyfriend gave the -_- expression.]
[The guy seated opposite us was blasting Jay Chou songs. I wasnít exactly appreciative.]
Ms. J: The person is deaf.
Mr. J: No only deaf, retard alsoÖ Brain got so much shit it overflowed into his ears
Ms. J: He listen to songs from dunno which era.
Mr. J: The era where zhou cai dong is still a little boy, and not the b*****d now
Ms. J: Nono. I think itís from the time when Zhou Cai Dong is still a
zygote in his mumís womb.
Mr. J: Tot he came from the toilet pipe outside lt11?
Ms. J: -_-
[After a whileÖ]
Ms. J: Omg itís Shan Hu Hai.
Mr. J: Now then u realized.
Ms. J: Naturally. Anything from cai cai is filtered out of my system.lol
Mr. J: 15 more mins? Bfore we leave?
Mr. J: I love u
Mr. J: I got 7 more slide. U?
Ms. J: I have the whole internet.
Mr. J: Most imptly I got u
Okay. Donít stone me.
Time to work on 2101.
11:03 p.m. 2008-11-01
If only I could have ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday.
If only I could stop snacking.
If only I could bring out that huge eraser and remove all the unhappiness I had in secondary school.
If only I had fallen in love with you earlier.
If only I could have fries and not feel guilty about it.
If only I could stay by your side everyday.
If only my sister would stop gorging herself.
If only I could stop checking my phone every 5 minutes for your SMS.
If only time could stop, so that I wouldnít think that time is passing too fast for us.
If only Dad would Skype me now.
If only I could stop listening to these emotional songs.
If only I could stop procrastinating.
If only I could stop myself from wondering why youíre not online.
1:36 a.m. 2008-11-01
Another nightmare week. The weekend is always welcome, because it signifies time to play catch-up, work on those approaching deadlines, and breathe.
So Jurong Entertainment Centre will be torn down tomorrow. A significant part of my schooling life was spent there, from primary school all the way up to JC, so the girls and I took the last chance to have a small gathering at the MacDonald's outlet there. Recalling how JEC was like 6 years ago, how I got a tummyache after eating at the Kobayashi outlet for the first time, how the theatres are still equally lousy, how we always took neoprints there... And we can't stop Capitaland from taking this building away from us, so the least we could do was to stay til closing time. To us, JEC was more than just a meeting venue for fast food and entertainment; it is 10 years of colourful memories.
And a huge apology to the husband for returning home at such an unearthly hour. I felt absolutely horrible to find out that you couldn't get to sleep.
Time to go find the hubby in Lalaland.
8:23 a.m. 2008-10-29
You know how, sometimes, a flashing moment from the past hits you, and nostalgia starts flowing. Seriously, I'll hate to recall anything from the past. I want to ditch it all behind.
Contrary to belief, I TOTALLY hated secondary school. Yes, I'm digging out the skeletons from the closet. You see, I've always been stuck in a class of 10 (or less) girls, and about 30 guys. I didn't appreciate what the school system did for me; I didn't like it. I wanted to climb up the ladder and tear myself away but, hey, look what destiny did to me. I was stuck with about the same bunch. Only this time, I hated it even more.
Don't think I'm really contented with life with you all just because I didn't return all the taunting and soft bullying I was subjected to. You know what?! I really hate to say this, but I had more fun in JC when I finally had the chance to breathe and distant myself from the past. The clear mind I had before my A Levels just proved how much I needed myself to be rescued from the spiral in secondary school.
And if you ask me if I regretted saying all this, no. I'd rather spill it all than to continue being laughed at by my reflection.
12:12 a.m. 2008-10-29
Just to max out whatever's left of my braincells.
Things I hate to do alone:
riding on the MRT
going to sleep
mugging in the library
If I could make 'rushing for projects' a major subject, I'll be on Dean's List every semester and top the cohort with First Class Honours.
11:58 p.m. 2008-10-27
Things went imperfectly beautifully. These included a very comprehensive group meeting, as well as a great day with the boyfriend.
I find it crazy that we're constantly worrying about the same problems over and over again, but that's what keeps us going so strong. The obscenely repetitive chats we have, the lengthy discussions on everything under the sun... It's not just a romantic relationship, but one which encompasses of elements I find in a friendship, a campanionship, a learning journey, and kinship. Yes, silly me still gushes at the fact that I'm so stuck to you, and so very reliant emotionally on you. And I still marvel at the chemistry we have. Seriously, if there's anyone who echoes my thoughts while they appear in my head, it's you. It's you who knows that I wanted to walk from Bugis to the Esplanade, it's you who knows I wanted to walk into Gramaphone to check out the HSM 3 soundtrack, and it's still you who reads that crystal ball of my every single thought. And I'm so very lucky to be so very in love with the right person.
Happy 8th month to us. :)
12:09 p.m. 2008-10-26
When girlfriends hang out, they become mad people. And what's a hangout without good food (Sushi Tei), good recreation (neoprints) and good company?
Waiting for more photos from Fay, but we'll just have to settle for all these first.
In the meanwhile, I'm still fighting my decision to take Monday classes. Seriously, I'm not really keen on the change of timing (the 'management', as what they call themselves, drew up an impossible timetable), because most parents are taking their children off the list. And the 'management' still hasn't come to their senses. Sometimes, I really wonder why am I still lingering in the center when I have better pay prospects out there with no bonds, no 'management' to accomodate, no screaming kids, no rigid timetables and no lingering eyes over the class. Little wonder Hong Ying and Jessica are not committing. Maybe I should weigh my options as well.
Perhaps the only consolation I had yesterday was having one of my students top her class in English. And this has been all I needed to fuel my engine.
And my aunt had to come down and start nagging at me early in the morning.
'You better eat more walnuts since you're not eating meat.'
'How heavy are you ah? 50kg?'
'You better take milk instead of soymilk. It's not enough nutrition for you.'
'Don't go on a diet ah.'
'Don't be too picky. Just eat your food, no need to choose.'
I'm going crazy. She makes it sound as though I'm on the verge of being admitted to IMH for an eating disorder. But those who know me knows that I wouldn't give up good food for the world.
Another day without the boyfriend.
11:32 p.m. 2008-10-24
It's been a long time since I caught a musical. I even forgot that the actors and actresses actually had to sing.
Anyway, we were lucky to catch the first show of the movie on the premiere day (today) with good seats and at a relatively good price. Although I can't really agree with the way the actors handled their relationship with each other (it's perhaps due to the plot or something's just... not right), I loved the songs in the movie. Not much was elaborated about the leads (the producers had expected all audience to be such hard-core fans of HSM), so I was pretty lost at the start. But it kind of synced with what I captured from HSM 1, so it wasn't that bad.
But Zac and Vanessa are just cute.
I don't know what the head honcho is doing, but I'm pretty lost as to how to continue from here. I just hope those poor children won't become victims of poor coordination.
12:39 a.m. 2008-10-22
It's rare for me to get really pensive deep into the dead of the night, especially when I've had a draining day. It's just that when multiple facades of reality hits you, it's pretty difficult to just reject the notion of their reality; you can't just ward them off.
To start it off, congratulations to Kane and his girlfriend on their first year anniversary! I'm totally apologetic for not hearing you holler my name across the lift lobby (I'm turning deaf as a by-effect of overworking, I guess). Anyway, anyone should have just seen the cute couple, with the girl cuddling a purple bouquet of red roses! Okay, I'm just drawn to the fact that the bouquet is purple, since I don't really give a damn about flowers.
I kind of pity Jack, suddenly, for having a girlfriend who hates flowers and almost all stuffed toys.
Kane did joke that he won't need to count anniversaries in months anymore. Omg. The farmer strikes back.
Making mad rushes for project deadlines (I finally knew why they were called 'deadlines' - apparently they all harbour the idea of murder via harakiri), ditching time spent at home (sometimes, I really wish I could run away from all the unhappiness that happens within the confines of those four walls), managing friends (I'm still figuring a way to please everyone. And I'm still failing miserably when it involves coming into terms with my own conscience), appeasing groupmates (something escapism won't suffice), finishing my readings (I realized that I have no time to attend lectures, let alone do my readings), and ,of course, spending time with the boyfriend. Jack and I have become faithful mugging partners cum gossip partners cum lunch partners cum each other's Aunt Agony. I know people are going to hit back with laments that I'm too stuck to the boyfriend, but seriously, if you think you can do a better job as a all-in-one boyfriend, then you can jolly well draw up a challenge against him. By that I'm not saying that my other friends are inferior to him, but you have to recognize the fact that the only person whom I can get stuck to whenever I feel like and not feel guilty about taking up his time, uttering nonsensical stuff, messing up his hair, poking him in the rib once every 5 minutes, giving him huge bear hugs, irritate him with mindless accusations and still get him to smile for me, is Jack.
I just made myself sound like a nightmare of a girlfriend.
Time to hit the sack.
8:46 p.m. 2008-10-11
I almost broke into tears during the second part of the JS lecture.
It's not about the kind of false dreams intricately woven into beautiful lies to con these women into parting with their hard-earned money. Neither is it about the heart-wrenching stories behind the glitteri and D&G. ItísÖ this entire faÁade built by both the men and the women themselves to deceive, guess who, the women. Of course, I was mercilessly bombarded by the hard and cruel fact of those lives along the streets of Minami, Osaka. Everyoneís heard about the girls who sell their smiles and bodies, but what about the otokos with the starched suits and umbrellas serving the women in host clubs? Whoís interested in their stories? Weíve always been viewing the men as perpetuators of the Ďindustry that sells smiles and sexí, but have we ever peered into through the doors of these kurabus to see whatís going on? Sure, thereís definitely enough sleazy activity going on, but whoís listening to the boys? Whoís listening? Or what about the girls? Are we always stereotyping these customers as middle-aged women with stashes of money to shower these Ďflower boysí with, when in actual fact a large portion of customers are young ladies with small paychecks. Yet for the sake of indulging themselves in the beautiful lies and gentlemanly disposure of these Ďhostsí, which they claim to be absent in most Japanese men, they were willing to pay for that Ďtemporary loveí they claimed money could buy. And, sad to say, many turned to the flesh trade in order to fuel the drug-like addiction of being loved.
It's like thinking that you know alot about the men and women, when actually you've just stupified yourself.
Itís no wonder why Iíve been somewhat listless recently.
I need more little tickles!
7:11 p.m. 2008-10-05
Being the overly-bored with snipping articles about the tainted milk scandal in China from 2 weeks' worth of newspaper, I decided to fool around with the Yahoo! search engine. You never know what you can excavate from such marvellous inventions. So I Yahoo-ed 'nus geyao' (since I can't say 'Googled')and this was what I got:
Of course, NUS Geyao's number 1~
Omg I unravelled my disgusting performance during our musical last year.
My blog popped up. On the second page.
And there's Geyao senior Bevlyn Khoo's blog~
There's William's blog on the third page, alongside Ah Lai's blog.
I chanced upon an interview ,dating back to 2006, where funkygrad.com interviewed Kailing and co. And there's this particular question and this particular answer from some senior *chuckles*:
Q: Does being in love give you good fodder for songwriting?
A: When there is no love, my songs have no feel. When I'm in love with a girl, the songs have different vibes.
Now I know why Kailing found it a breeze to find my blog.
Welcome to the world of the not-so-clean-mouthed Julie.
12:15 a.m. 2008-10-05
Maybe I've taken the same hit so many times, I've grown accustomed to the sort of abuse I'm bound to be subjected to. But the brain doesn't stop remembering, event after event, and the heart doesn't stop aching with every goodbye and hello. If you had taken time to pore through alot of the things that you shouldn't have said, you'll feel alot more remorseful than you are. But I'll still love you all, even if the pain you've inflicted on me is exponential amounts of the love I gave. And you won't stop me from loving, if that's what you lack.
The kids are giving me a hell load of problems, alongside the adults. Parents have been pushing the fault of their kids' bad grades on us, the part-time, underpaid, mistreated, mentally abused, overstressed and definitely misunderstood tutors. Parents still don't get the point that the ones who are ultimately skiving are THEIR own kids, not the tutors. In the first place, you can't say that we're doing this plainly for the sake of money, because we are paid PEANUTS. It's not even enough to cover the trauma your misbehaving kids caused us. So we're not as money-minded as you think. Secondly, you can't expect YOUR child to be performing well if YOU, as a PARENT, can't play YOUR part, to motivate YOUR kid to study. We always get alot of parents who lament "Aiyah, at home I also cannot control my boy, so have to send him here to discipline him mah." For God's sake, if you can't keep your accident on a leash, do you think we can domesticate them? You should be thankful to know that you are not the one bearing the brute of YOUR kid's trashy homework, illegible handwriting and the monkey business they get down to whenever we turn our backs. Then you get the horrid bosses who think they can get away with alot of things by the fact that they're moneypots, and discard responsibilities just by saying "I don't know" and "I'm not sure". ASK, you bloody fool.
And I'm so utterly disgusted by myself for feeling downright upset over alot of trivial matters. Sometimes, I can get so naive, I hate myself for it. All I know is, everytime I need a listening ear, I know I still have your shoulder to lean on and that faithful ear for my monotonous and repetitive bemoaning.
11:22 p.m. 2008-10-02
Who on Earth holds meetings at 9pm?!
It's been a long time since I last planted myself in the library to mug. Didn't last long today; apparently it becomes really cold after about an hour. My fingertips are like thermostats; they turn white when it's at freexing point, and purple when it's beyond freezing point.
And not to mention, I had a very productive mugging session at the club room, with Jack by my side (despite being very much a huge distraction). Haha.
And I love the way I get to hold that very warm hand of yours (don't ask me why I always ask you why your hand's always that warm) and keep you by my side.
2:26 p.m. 2008-09-28
I had to screw up our date.
Some deaf guy at the ground-floor ticketing outlet at The Cathay gave us the tickets to Vicky, some M18 sexually explicit movie inside of Painted Skin, which Jack wanted to watch. Hello?! Do we look so hot-blooded that we needed to watch some teenybopper movie which shows boobs and dicks?
And the worst part was that I didn't check the tickets, so we only realised that we had the wrong tickets after Jack told me when I came out of the washroom. But I really want to commend the Cathay counter staff, especially the ticketer named Akio, who gave us a refund for the tickets. Although I'll choose to believe that my pissed off face was the ultimate reason for the kind gesture by the cinema staff. Nevertheless, a million thanks to them.
But my mood was still suffered a beating.
Thank God we had Settlers' to bank on, so that made me perk up a little from my moody emotions. Tried EVO, high society, and some other game that I can't remember. Thanks to Gerlyn and Gordon, we enjoyed ourselves for that 2 hours.
Maybe I could have stopped you; perhaps I could have influenced you to say no to certain things, but I chose to let you be free and have the freedom to choose. I don't know if being there to control you and put a stop to things I knew I didn't like would be a good thing or not. I just knew that if you're happy with the way things are, then I'll be equally contented as you are.
But I'm not.
This internal struggle affects everyone in some way or another, but I guess my case is just worse, because things keep repeating themselves, so this recurring feeling in the throat just keeps swelling each time. But I love the way we always iron out things, be it to thrash it out or have teary talks.
And that's what makes us so real.
Happy 7th month, love.
4:37 p.m. 2008-09-25
Finally had lunch with Chia, Mary and their new colleague Lisa. It's been such a long time, I swear, since I saw them. They were asking why I didn't bring my boyfriend alone and this and that and... Anyway we'll probably be meeting for dinner on Monday night to celebrate Chia's birthday. We'll see.
The Singapore GP circuit technology is simply brilliant, and you have to be there and then to witness it all. No, not the Ferrari and Maclaren and BMW monster cars revving their engines at the start line, but real-time super cars cruising down Marina Boulevard and sweeping gusts of wind into your face. Having dozens of Ferraris, Porsches, Aston Martins, and even the Lamborgini slowing down to filter out and then revving their engines to speed down right before our very eyes... And strangely enough, each car had a middle-aged driver with the million-dollar look and a very leggy and young Asian girl at their side.
Of course, Jack and I had to check out the really cool circuit lights and those barricades, so we walked all the way from Bugis after our dinner to wherever we had access to (the furthest we got to was just before the Singapore Flyer), then we anchored ourselves at the cordoned off junction just outside Suntec to witness that whole procession of "to-die-for" cars. And the Lamborg driver saw Jack snapping a photo of his car and (gasp!) slowed down. For a moment I wanted to pull Jack off the curb and run for dear life. Then I saw the driver turn to look at us, then he revved his engine and in a second he was gone.
For a moment I thought that guy wanted to get off and, like some celebs, start to punch whoever's taking photos of them. There's a reason why I take photos of cars from the back. Anyway, we had the inital idea of hunting down the entire entourage of beautiful cars, but security was tight and all the hotels we went to didn't have Ferraris parked at the porch, so we decided to call it a day. Talk about the perks of having a girlfriend who's into cars.
Photos are at the other blog.
And I've been running emergencies these few days. Wednesday night, when my sis suffered a massive nosebleed from "over-excavation", and this afternoon, when that same troublesome fella had to lug all her books home for revision. Hello?! Can I charge $5 booking fee, $80 emergency fee, $2.80 for street pick-up and midnight charges?
Time to mug. I've been slacking for 24 hours already.
8:14 p.m. 2008-09-20
I think I really learnt my lesson about mugging last-minute.
Anyway, disappearing from this space for close to a week didn't seem very significant to me; I'm still trapped in this horrible mugging cycle. Just when one nightmare ended with the submission of the annotated biblio, I realised that the arrival of the mid-term break is going to be another week-long nightmare to endure. The amount of readings piled up over the past two weeks are threatening to break my back, and projects are just going nowhere. I think I'm simply not concentrating hard enough.
The first visit to The Ark Cafe, or what we know affectionately as MuChuan, yesterday was lovely, although the sad fact about passionate music lovers dwindling in numbers continues to harp on me up to this moment. The cosy cove was... empty. It was 8.30pm when we arrived, and the place was stark, disregarding the singers and the service crew. I remembered Kailing telling us that the singers perform for absolutely no fees, and I felt that it was only for the very love for music and performance that those very talented singers were willing to sacrifice their nights there, sometimes singing to nobody.
And I totally salute them for that.
The visit totally debunked my initial thinking that Muchuan singers are pretty haughty, after finding out that they're absolutely friendly and, as long as you don't come up with weird song dedications like techno or dance tunes, they're more than happy to perform the songs you picked. Oh, and did I mention that we have a Geyao senior performing there as well? She was in Kailing's batch, so the amount of fun and laughter we had yesterday was unimaginable. I was totally fixated on her fingers dancing on the keyboard while she belted out songs I could never have attempted before, and her accompanying singers were of a pretty good standard as well. Their singer's version of Chong Bai totally thrashed the version I did at SuperSnacks last semester. Of course, being the "descendents" of NUS Geyao, what's a night without juicy gossip and mindless jokes about Geyao seniors? I bet someone's eyebrow must have been jerking for the whole of last night.
I particularly liked the joke by our Geyao senior a.k.a Muchuan resident keyboardist that some Geyao senior (who used to be resident keyboardist at theArk) had such perfect pitch that if he heard a car screech he'd say "that's a C sharp.".
And the cappucino was good. I don't know what happened to Jack's and Kailing's and Eugene's drinks.
Anyway, just a short advertisement for Muchuan, simply because I think they totally deserve this:
The Ark Music Cafe
45 Boon Keng Road
Kallang Community Club
Boon Keng MRT Station - Exit B
I swear I'll go back there soon with some other friends.
And it's tragic when I can hear the exploding fireworks from the LAntern Festival celebrations at the Chinese Garden but I can't see it from here.
Bye bye world, it's back to mugging.
Oh, and did I mention that Zikry gave a pink flower he made himself? He said that it was my birthday last week, so it was my belated present. And the my Primary 3 class threw this pseudo surprise party for me during class. Now you know why I can't tear myself away from them.
11:08 a.m. 2008-09-14
Those who have had me preach to them about Astrology would know that I'm totally head over heels into such stuff, despite the skepticism alot of people have in it. "It's not scientifically proven," they say.
Anyway, something here to make my birthday yet another very happy day in my life.
Virgo + Virgo =
When two Virgos join together in a love match, they are likely to structure their lives in beautiful conjunction. The merging of two incredibly practical, industrious sorts such as these creates an incredibly devoted and doting couple although public displays of affection will be rare. Though their shared perfectionism and skepticism could lead to conflict, the level-headed Virgo duo will quickly resolve any disputes and move on to more pleasant times. The Virgo-Virgo relationship runs like a well-oiled machine, particularly for couples who live together. There is never any confusion over the delegation of responsibility, and both partners feel quite comfortable with this arrangement. Making lists, balancing accounts and keeping the affairs in order are second nature to both partners. They share a discriminating palette and exquisite taste. As long as they aren't too harsh with one another, their relationship will be fulfilling in every way.
Virgo is ruled by the Planet Mercury. This Planet represents communication, and indeed this is Virgo's shtick. As a romantic couple, both are tuned in to one another's frequencies. Virgo is often able to read the nuances of words and gestures and take in an analytical meaning. One of the strongest points of the relationship is open and honest communication. Also, the reasoning and logical abilities of two Virgos together can quite possibly solve all the world's problems. They are a versatile and brilliant team. Virgo is an Earth Sign, thus indicating a practical nature. Also, they are a couple who likes to be surrounded by and own elegant things, and who won't settle for second best. It is worth it to hold out for something perfect, rather than to allow for anything less. Virgo exercises caution before moving forward, and they are the first to determine the best action for everyone to--even if it involves sacrifice. Pickiness makes the Virgo-Virgo team a wonderful romantic couple. Virgo is a Mutable Sign. They are easily adaptable to any situation or any social setting. There is rarely conflict between them, but when it does arise it is quickly brushed over. Neither is too pushy or domineering, and they share an equal enthusiasm for one another's pursuits. Virgo always follows through, and two of them together doubles this energy and makes a very happy couple. What's the best aspect of the Virgo-Virgo relationship? It's their levelheaded and structured approach to life, work, fun and commitment. They're incredibly compatible, and this obvious to them and to their friends. Together, they make a wonderful pair for pleasing one another and working on the perfect relationship.
So I'm the happy girl, despite the still-very-huge pile of notes stuffed in my face.
1:14 a.m. 2008-09-14
Happy Birthday to the self-denial in me. I feel so much of an old hag now that I can't tell people that I'm still a teenager (by universal definition).
Thanks for my very first birthday present. I kind of freaked out; I mean, will I ever get to use it before the white cotton gets eaten up by worms? Haha. But it was nevertheless a lovely present. Thanks babes. The breakfast session was priceless.
Anyway, have I lamented the fact that the tuition centre has changed hands? Cherie basically told this absolutely huge white lie to the parents and children, while the new bosses seem very horrible. It's just some inbuilt reflex gag I have when it comes to meeting new people who will never seem to be on par with what I had last time. I could see that some of the children were somewhat uncertain and all that, and some are still very much attached to Cherie. If they could be inefficient enough to miss the opening hours of their own tuition centre, I don't see why things can't get worse in future. The only consolation I have whenever I go there is that the children's voices will always be ringing out to me for my help.
I need to sleep.
8:27 p.m. 2008-09-11
You know how it feels like when a sudden rush of adrenaline transcends that tiredness which has been hounding you for days on end; you literally jump out of your seat and start acting like Bananas in Pyjamas. At least that's what dark choco from the boyfriend does.
Geyao yesterday was pretty alright, although I kind of just blamed everything on Geyao; I can't finish my work, I have no time to study for my test, I don't get enough sleep, I get home late, I skip meals (ok I don't skip meals, for one), I lose my temper...
But I still love Geyao and all my peeps there, and also for the love it brought into my life.
Did an interview with the co-founders of one of the dating agencies in Singapore. Haha. Alright I didn't manage to dig really juicy stuff which is too explicit for publication, but at least some rumours about the dating scene got straightened out. And I still laugh to myself occasionally whenever I think about the interview content. Thank God I don't need matchmaking to seal my fate.
I seal my own fate.
NM2219 Mid Term tomorrow, NM2220 News Story due tomorrow, Tuition on Saturday, birthday dinner on Saturday, Jack's cousin's wedding dinner on Sunday, NM3880A Mid Term on Monday.
I'm, like, so dead.
10:21 p.m. 2008-09-08
Sometimes you don't really have to take a long time to realise how much you're treasured.
A pleasant surprise for everyone in the family, to have you deliver supper and examination rations for every single person in the family. My little sis was grinning from ear to ear when I handed her the strawberry chocolate and told her that Kor Kor bought it for her. My mum just got pretty worked up because the chocolates were of Japanese origin, so they would have cost a bomb, and she was partially worried that he had to make the long journey to and fro. SEE. My parents are so much more concerned about him than they are over me.
And I'm the girl with the huge smiley because I've got dark choco from my darling, via boyfriend courier services.
Life's been a bitch these few days, with all the examinations crammed into these 2 weeks and a whole load of assignments, readings, etc. etc. I was slightly regretting that I was taking a level-3000 module this semester, because I'm kinda un-seasoned for seminar-style lessons. The 3880A seminar never fails to throw me off my guard everytime I enter the classroom.
I'm totally freaking out.
And Geyao activities just add to everything else. Not that I hate it, it's just that everything seems to be gushing out of this small crack, and I feel totally suffocated.
My new mugging haven after Supersnacks closed down.
And it's back to more cramming and mad rushing.
12:29 a.m. 2008-09-05
I'm unbelievably lazy.
Been buzzing around for the past few days (weeks, rather), busy-ing myself with cartfuls of readings and Geyao matters. I'm slightly more than just exhausted.
Streaming yesterday! Thanks to all Geyao freshies who came down to pit themselves against the stringent expectations of the senior vocalists! Jack looked as though he could collapse any moment after the gruelling 3-hour session. Now I finally know how Kailing and William felt after streaming the freshies. I guess tempers flared again yesterday, and things could have worked out peacefully if the clash of ideas could be ironed out nicely instead of having fingers pointing at each other. I had to make the ultimate escape to avoid being thrashed in the tussle among the seniority. I'm just dreading the first session, simply because I haven't started doing my brainstorming for the practice list, and we won't be having the full band.
Had a short chat with Mr. Chua from Media Writing class during tutorial today, and he's telling me that I should strive to break into the literature market with Media writing. Ya right... I can't even make my writing sound coherent, let alone take on the Chinese people and their language. Of course, everyone's waiting to swim to the opposite shore, but the sacrifices and hard work involved isn't some simple task. It's going to take alot more than just sweat and blood. And that's the reason why I admire media people so much.
And a happy 22nd birthday to my darling.
12:50 a.m. 2008-08-31
It seems as though I've triumphed over the stinging feeling of hunger and fatigue; I've went past the stage of lapsing in and out of consciousness while poring over my NM3880A readings.
I'm incredibly wide awake now.
Sometimes, I have absolutely no idea as to how to manage those kids. They can absolutely infuriate me with their behaviour, and still make me smile at the end of the day. And this is to all the teachers who are putting up with the nonsense from their students, with no regards to how old these prats are.
Happy Teachers' Day.
As I heave a sigh of relief this very moment, I'll have to prepare to take it back the next minute.
Green Carnival 2008
MD Shaun and Ah Lai and MD YuQing
I loved the Green Carnival for the fact that the lot got to try whole new styles of song presentation. Still, I think our strength is still in presenting Mandarin pop. Great music, despite the crazy practice schedules and the clash with the Welcome Tea, but it was timely advertising.
Welcome Tea 2008
With Jack chairing this year's Welcome Tea, the least I could do was to lend a helping hand. The music made still amazed me, and the chemistry, although slightly shaky, was enough to pull off both days without much glitches. Of course, we had the not-so-fun parts of moving band equipment up and down YIH (that could have been a good thing after all). But it was all worth the while. Thanks to all instrumentalists, vocalists, seniors (esp. Winson, Raymond and Kailing) and the wonderful audience we had who packed the function rooms to maximum capacity on both days. You are all the motivation we need to keep making music 'live', and I'm totally looking forward to streaming session next week (or you can say I'm plain sadistic. *Laughs*).
And there is no greater joy than to drag Jack around Orchard Road with me.
8:37 p.m. 2008-08-24
The last thing I remembered before I concussed was watching my computer screen black out. And I had no recollections for the next 2 hours, until I jolted up in pain because my right hand had this stinging sensation from the lack of blood. I can never really get enough sleep, can't I?
Cherie had to remind me to collect my paycheck when I went for tuition yesterday. I'm terribly absent-minded. And the two reputable monsters of the tuition centre seemed harmless. Alex and his younger brother Nicholas, on the other hand, were sooooo cute! I had the rash impulse to pinch Nicholas' cheeks, but I figured I had to behave myself in front of the children. Another consolation of the day was hearing from two of my students that they did well for their CA. I felt that tolerating their nonsense was well worth it after all.
And I made the husband angry again, for the Nth time. I should be beheaded the next time I turn up late, or I'll never be able to live with this guilty conscience of mine. Now I know why it has been raining for days on end. Anyway, it was another board-gaming session at Gordon's house with half of my brain cells burnt off from the tuition sessions, so it was little wonder I got trashed for all games. And I loved the conspiracy with Gerlynd during Containers! It effectively pissed off both the boyfriends, and we had a kick out of it.
Then the couple brought us out for ice cream at 10.45pm. I know it sounded insane, considering we left the ice cream parlour close to midnight. A huge thanks to Gordon for sending Jack and me home, and for the chat we had on the way. Haha I didn't know there was someone else who was tracking my relationship with Jack; Gordon even remembers that Jack and I are almost 6 months old! Jack's got a good friend, after all. And omg Gerlyn's a lucky girl, despite the fact that they fight like the greatest rivals ever. They seem so much like my parents.
And it suddenly dawned upon me that 6 months ago, I was still an irrational person who almost veered towards the wrong lane. And then someone came and pulled me out of my day dreams and into this fairytale that I never want to say goodbye to. And I still very much miss you even though I just said goodbye less that 24 hours ago, and will meet you less than 24 hours later.
12:24 a.m. 2008-08-21
I was actually pretty happy with the outcome of today's band practice. Although 'Big Yellow Taxi' is still giving the husband some problems, but I believe he'll work it out. It's a psychological thing, I'm sure. And I believe YY's caught a bug or something, because he's been coughing for the past week or so. All of us are praying. But apart from the occasional glitches, I guess you can never go wrong with Shaun (our event MD!) on the drums, YuQing on the keyboard, ZhangDa on lead guitar, CaiYu on bass and the JiaHui on acoustic guitar.
We basically rock.
Oh and not forgetting the our Welcome Tea on the 27th and 29th! Omg we're still very much tied up with other stuff but, press on everyone, I believe we'll put up a fantastic show for everyone's listening pleasure!
And I'm totally looking forward to the new batch of Geyaorians! I love streaming when I'm not the one being streamed~!
Oh man. And my timetable just got screwed! I'm supposed to empty my Tuesdays, but now I've got 2101 tutorial instead! So much for being so proud of myself for emptying out one day... CORS is one screwed system.
And I foresee myself being forklifted out of my bed tomorrow morning. Her Majesty has ordered for my royal accompaniment for her shopping trip tomorrow, so I should go hit the sack now.
7:14 p.m. 2008-08-20
I didn't have the intention to drag myself out of bed this morning. And I dind't have the intention to lug my laptop to school, if it hadn't been for the fact that CORS didn't want to give me the tutorial slot that I wanted. Omg the world sucks.
Gordon can mock all he wants, but I just had the best bread pudding of my life yesterday at Quality Hotel. And I'll gladly pay $10++ just for bread pudding alone.
And it acts as another huge incentive when we've had 7 hours of board games before that and our brain juice was just drying up.
Omg I feel like hell. I just hate offending people I love, and then regretting it because I don't know how to heal those wounds.
I'm such a horrible bitch.
I need to wake up now.
11:36 a.m. 2008-08-17
I didn't feel like waking up today, if it hadn't been for the fact that I've got Mini-you staring down at me the moment I pried my eyes open. It's miraculous to see how attached I can grow towards a stuffed toy, considering how taboo they were in my life. Now it's become the extra push I need to wake up every morning. Perhaps I realised that I shouldn't be wasting the time we have.
Alot of things came crashing down. Apart from the mangled band practice on Friday, yesterday wasn't much better with alot of ignorant people around. I was hoping that those people would let me off, considering it wasn't quite the occasion to discuss such matters. But they chose to disappoint me, time and again.
So again, I reiterate my point here. I'm not interested in entertaining those very blatant questions, because you won't get those answers you're hoping for. I don't have a thing for compliance, so it's either you give up your questioning and let live, or continue to ask questions with no answers to them.
I feel so crumpled up.
And I'm so sorry for calling so late at night. I just needed to seek solace, and I knew you had it.
8:18 a.m. 2008-08-16
Felt really quashed at the end of yesterday. 3 lectures to rush in and out of, and plenty of stairs to climb. The first week of school didn't seem so much of a bed of roses after all, despite having my tuesdays and thursdays free. And I freakin' need to beat that winding queue at the Central Forum bookstore and get my NM textbook by next Monday.
Band practice wasn't as satisfactory, partially because we were robbed of our main instrumentalists and vocalists. Oh, and the disappearing people as well. Sometimes some people need to get their prorities right. It's no use doing well in academics when you live such a sad life trying to burrow under huge stacks of books (and money, in future) and anime. I really wonder if being nice to you is a crime. And I'm calling out to those bigheads at Chinese Society; please, if you wish to have our people perform there in future, kindly tell us at least a month in advance, or PAY us. It's simple; money makes the world go round, especially in our case, since it's always been CS which has been keeping our membership fee. And it matters even more now that I'm handling the accounts. I just hope it won't be too pressing for Jia Yan to keep handling the claims from us.
And now I have to figure out a way to cheer the husband up.
To be continued...
6:48 p.m. 2008-08-13
I have no idea why it seems as though I'm the only one who's enthusiastic about the new school term.
And I seem very redundant here, in the club room, when Heal the World is no apparent concern of mine.
12:07 a.m. 2008-08-12
I havenít been blogging here for donkey days.
The advent of the beginning of the new school term signified that 1. itís time to rush like ants on a hot pan again and 2. more performances are on the way. I wonder if itís actually a good thing that Iím not performing for all the upcoming events. It either means I totally suck, or that I totally suck. Or that I suck big time. Oh well.
And those lucky imps at SMU have got Settlersí Cafť right in the basement of their campus!
Itís still in the soft launch stage, but the atmosphereís definitely much more inviting and, strangely, it exudes a homely feeling. Itís probably just the furniture from IKEA. But we learnt a couple of new games today, so Iím pretty contented with todayís outing. I love double dates to Settlersí with Mr. and Ms. G. The Love Guru made me laugh so much, I burnt off all the sake I had for dinner.
Sometimes I just donít like the way some people make it seem as though whatever they are doing now seems very sophisticated and sorts. We donít need all that bullshit of fancy names and bombastic terms. Perhaps youíre a believer of condescending behaviour on your part, but trust me, it just made you seem like youíre over-complaining.
11:08 p.m. 2008-08-06
I've been getting that 'I feel like shit' feeling for the past few days. Agnes that hag just had to infuriate me EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past week, and I've been creating alot of trouble for the SAP consultants for the past month. I really deserve to be disemboweled. And the CORS had to make me repeat that 'I feel like shit' when I came home and found out that I didn't get Science of Music.
I'm just hoping that not needing to face that crazy woman on the last two days of my work and throwing in all the points in my General account into bidding for whatever's left of that module will cheer me up.
And you just have to add to everything by staying out so late at night. Yes, I'm being absoultely unreasonable here.
An angry woman is an angry woman.
P.S: Thanks to Ken for that little gift. I'm totally apologetic for being such a nasty person at times, and you could still tolerate me.
2:35 p.m. 2008-08-03
I must be the silliest woman in the world.
Things went slightly awry yesterday night, and we became two very disturbed people, worrying our asses off some silly thing. Perhaps time will cure your friend, and she'll finally come to realisation over what she's contemplating. And yes, I'm the crazy girl who feels sorry for the other girl. I just can't help it when I've been in a similar spot (although I was that persistant), so putting myself in her shoes came as a natural reaction. But I hope things will stay this way (if it doesn't improve), because I don't stay a nice girl if I have someone else clawing away at my boyfriend.
The night was enjoyable (sorry that it was slightly ruined), and although it was a pity that we missed the fireworks, we had the Fountain of Wealth as a consolation.
I just feel bad that we won't be able to spend more time with each other on Saturdays because my tuition classes, even after school starts.
Some pictures from band prac the other day:
Okay that's all I took. Supper was enjoyable, with Kailing, Raymond a.k.a Leimon, Yuching and her guy, Yuan Hong a.k.a Ah Lai, Yuan Yi, Winson, you and me. I just wished I knew how to drive to your home, so you wouldn't need to travel home alone.
And no one knows how much I love you.
12:18 a.m. 2008-07-31
I raised a cup for Qing Rui. You'll be missed by all as a brother, a great friend, and a good leader. If this is the ending you wished for to halt the pain, then I hope you're happy where you are.
Loved and missed by all,
I need to clear the fog from my glasses for a bit. I've been doing a fair bit of crying for the past few days, and I'm totally unbashed about it. The amount of emotional stress was too much to bear. But I'll push on, because I know those who love me wouldn't wish for me to be in this state of despair. I'll be strong, I promise to try.
And I wouldn't say I'm not worried. In fact, I'm so unconfident of myself that everytime I turn around, I worry that you might just walk away or get kidnapped by someone else. I'm probably mad, but I need to pour this out.
11:03 p.m. 2008-07-27
The walk home from the bus stop after bidding you goodbye sank this song into my head, and it's that this point of time that I just need to share the lyrics with the world. I live by them.
Who Needs the World
i stare at your face
into your eyes
outside there's so much passing us by
all of the sounds
all of the sights
over the earth and under the sky
too much cold and too much rain
too much heartache to explain
who needs the world when i got you
switch off the sun the stars and the moon
i have all i need inside of this room
who needs the world when i got you
oh no no
i walk on the street
talk in the dark
i see peoples dreams just falling apart
i open my arms
tried to be true
seems like my only truth is you
am i wrong
or am i right
all i want is you tonight
who needs the world when i got you
switch off the sun the stars and the moon
i have all i need inside of this room
who needs the world when i got you
who needs the stars so bright and the grass so green and the morning light
who needs the wind to blow and the tide to rise
who needs it...i don't know
i don't know
who needs the world when i got you
switch off the sun the stars and the moon
i have all i need inside of this room
who needs the world when i got you
who needs the world when i got you
switch off the sun the stars and the moon
i have all i need inside of this room
who needs the world when i got you
Dating back to 2002, I've been looking for an owner to this song. And it looks like I'm finally giving this song away to the right person.
Listen to it here:
Another song from Nick that I just had to excavate from my dusty CD pile:
I Got You
people tell me you
stay where you belong
but all my life,
i've tried to prove them wrong
they say i'm looking for
something that can't be found
they say i'm missing out
my feet don't touch the ground
but there are moments
when you can't deny what's true
just an ordinary day
like when i met you
it's funny how life can take new meaning
when you came and changed
what i believed in
the world on the outside's trying
to pull me in
but they can't touch me
cause i got you...
i got you...oh yeah
i want to thank you
for all of the things you've done
but most for choosing me
to be the one
it's funny how life can take new meaning
when you came and changed
what i believe in
the world on the outside's trying
to pull me in
but they can't touch me
cause i got you...
and it hits me when i reach for you
that i'm afraid you won't be there
maybe i am in too deep
but i don't care...
i'm right where i belong
i got you
yeah, prove them wrong...
i've got you, yeah
can't deny what's true, no
they can't touch me, baby
i got you...
i got you...
right where i belong.oh yeah..
i've got you baby..
right where i belong..
can't deny what's true..
no they can't touch me,
cause i...got you
Listen to it here:
It's times like this when you dig out really ancient songs and realise that they actually mean something to the people you really love now. To think I actually gave these songs out to the wrong people in the past. But now, they're all in the right hands and heart. And it's because you're worth it all.
Who needs the world, when I've got you.
11:23 p.m. 2008-07-26
Panadol Extra has failed on me. My cramps are probably immune to any kind of painkiller on the commercial market now.
And I only have my absurd craving for pineapple to blame. I downed half a bowl yesterday, and left my mouth all stingy and itchy. And Iím dying for some more pineapple. Oh man. Iím all screwed by this thing.
Itís the little princessí second birthday celebration, and Derrick had to pamper his little girl with a 3-kg ice-cream cake from Swensenís. Someone should go check out the price.
If this looks big...
Anyway, it was a good time to catch up with my granddad and chat with him. I have learnt to treasure the time I have with my loved ones, especially after losing someone so dear last year. But I almost flipped when my aunt passed the comment, ďSo howís your ĎJack and Jill went up the hill?íĒ. I really wonder.
Oh, and the princess will be facing sibling rivalry in another 5 monthsí time, when Derrick welcomes his second bundle of joy. Congrats!
Tuition kids were terrorizing today, especially when I might be taking over another class of rowdy monsters from 1 to 2.30pm. Ying was shaking her head when she saw what I was handling. And I finally came to the realization that I can never quell their nonsensical behaviour with sweets and chocolates. Itís time for tough measures. Maybe Iíll start with the cane.
And Iíll have to say that whatever I heard today was the sweetest thing so far. It makes me want to squeeze your hand and reassure you so much that Iíll see plenty of us in the future.
8:47 p.m. 2008-07-25
The person who invented the Throne Room should be castrated. It's the ultimately disgusting district in the game of Citadels. And Jack has to build it. I thought only Kevin Teh was big enough an egomaniac to build it.
It's a feel-good Friday, with me pitting myself (in vain, as always) against Jack and Ning, after a hard day at work. And I had all the luck in the world to have someone pick me up from work at the end of the day. At least I don't have to make the journey home alone, plugged in to emo songs on my PSP. I'm still counting my lucky stars every time I get to see you.
And I got all the NM modules I wanted! For once, I didn't need to scramble to drop points before bidding closes. I'm still short of one module, so it's either a JS module or Science of Music. Seriously, I'm longing to go back to school. Not because I'm dying to go back to torturing myself with the mad curriculum, but one month of working has rendered me totally hopeless in interacting with those adults. I shall not continue with my rambling lest I start with my cursing and swearing again.
And watching these two people interact just makes me smile.
10:06 p.m. 2008-07-21
I just got home, like, one hour ago. I lead a very sad working life, and I really hope that I wouldn't be this much of a workaholic when I become a full-fledged working adult. The arduous process of trying to endure the blasting air-conditioning, that son of a bitch lady boss sitting in that corner, the humungous pile of colourful files on my table, each nesting a little disaster in them. And that mad woman who occasionally throws glares at me just gets on my nerves. Who gives a damn if she earns a 5-figure paycheck and drives some posh car? She acts like a little kid, constantly hungry for attention with her booming voice and haughty struts. And her condescending attitude is such a put-off. Someone lend me a 50 cent coin to scratch her car with. And I just out-talked that troublesome guy from Marketing. He came in in the morning and started to order people around and demanded for his own backlog stuff to be cleared. So I just told him off in a nonchalent way that it's his problem that I can't generate the invoices. What a loser. I've seen so many faces in the adult world, I guess it's time to step out and curb all that bullying. Counting down 14 working days to the end of my misery.
And I had to start crying like a little kid while I was peeling the plaster off my cut. I guess it's just a mixture of emotions from tiredness, pain and the feeling of missing you.
9:21 p.m. 2008-07-20
If life with you in it is always that sweet, I'm going to turn diabetic soon.
Just as my nose was dripping like a broken tap and my nose was aching like someone just threw a brick against it, you had to pop up at my doorstep with herbal jelly and Beard Papa's for my supper-craving mum. I really don't like to repeat myself, but life with you in it is like living in a fairy tale story.
The sweetest thing next to what Jack did for me. When you see these two people bicker, you never know when it'll end. But I love them, because they still stay so much in love, after 21 years living together and enduring so much nonsense from each other. I love my parents, simply because they love each other.
Came home, saw the clothes hanging on the clothing rack, and scared the shit out of myself.
It's been a long time since Dad and I have done the dishes together. I know I'm the ultimate sloth at home, but when it comes to spending quality time with my family, I make use of every single minute wisely to show them I love them. So it's small wonder why I flared up when my sis said that I don't love her. It breaks my heart, because I love her and she treats it like prison torture.
And I finally understand why people suffer from Monday blues.
11:31 p.m. 2008-07-17
I just found it a pity that more and more charities are going down the wrong path. I remembered how we pooled money to donate funds to this particular charity when Uncle Tao came down to help raise funds. The support we had for the programme and the beneficiary looked absolutely stupid now that this scam has been uncovered.
What a topsy-turvy world.
I finally had the time to sit down and have dinner at home, after an entire night of frenzy yesterday. The silence of the corridor with the occasional coughing of the copier machine was comforting enough to calm me down. And work doesnít just end there. I walked into the office with a whole new hill of work waiting for me. Thatís precisely why Iím counting down 16 working days to the last day of work. That makes me feel better. I never like to live any stretch of 2 days without you, and spend almost every night working overtime and neglecting my family.
I need to concuss.
I miss using that Ďstolení word.
9:55 p.m. 2008-07-13
Okay Iíll see how much I can get out of my tired-out brain.
Time check: 2:33pm, 12 July 2008
I think Jack is pissed over me being fashionably late, as well as an accumulation of other factors. Picked up the milk he (supposedly) owed Jiahui at 7-Eleven, and off we are to her house at Upper Bukit Timah road~
(Aiyo, donít be angry, ok?)
Time check: 3.18pm, 12 July 2008
So weíre standing outside Jiahuiís condominium, wondering which block is it. Jack looks like heís going to blow his top, while the two of us made phone calls out to people who didnít pick up their phone for 10 whole minutes. Does every bad thing have to happen consecutively? But finally someone picked up Raymondís phone and, to my horror, it didnít sound like Raymond. Did someone steal his phone?
Time check: 6.45pm, 12 July 2008
So apparently Yuanyi answered Raymondís phone. Things look good here, with Geyaorians Kailing, Dan, Jiahui, Angeline, Yuanhong (we dubbed him Ah Lai), Vern, Yuanyi, Yuqing and us. And we have enough food here to feed a whole African town, and full band equipment to jam with. Ooooh look itís time to set off for Garyís concert~!
Time check: 12am, 13 July 2008
Itís one of those moments when all you want to do is to turn around and tell someone you love them. Garyís message was very in-your-face; it all boils down to love. And it feels all the better with someone you love keeping their fingers laced in yours throughout the concert. And the first concert we watched as friends just kept haunting me throughout the concert, because the thought of being just friends is pure agony. I never want to be just friends, ever again. Thanks to Gary for this amazing night, and that C.H.A.W tattoo across your back. Oh, and of course, thanks to Kailing for her NFS-ish driving skills and blatant jokes which kept us entertained throughout the entire trip to and fro.
Time check: 9.15am, 13 July 2008
Iím still feeling thankful for everything; for the lovely air-conditioning, the company of fellow Geyaorians, a senior to chat with, and those countless warm hugs to keep the cold away. And the sweetest thing was to wake up feeling all warm and fuzzy. And thanks to Raymond for boiling water for me (my throat screwed so I had to keep off those sweet drinks and tap water); Jack and I both agree that Jiahuiís found the perfect guy for her. And the breakfast (half of it was left over from last night) had so much leftovers that we had to resort to opening poker cards and penalizing those who guessed wrongly with food. Sorry for making you eat all the penalties for me.
Time check: 8.36pm, 13 July 2008
30 hours, and I still miss you. And I miss Geyao.
11:43 p.m. 2008-07-10
The look on Saito-san's face was priceless when I asked him if it was his birthday today in japanese. Then Tetsudawa-san came and was making fun of Catherine by speaking to her in a long string of japanese which I could not make head or tail of.
I don't like to talk about work, because the mere thought of what I have piled up on my desk just worries me. But TGIF, and I'm dying to go casual. I'm totally sick of office wear.
And I owe NX a huge thanks and a hug for helping me to pick up those Gary Chaw concert tickets from Macpherson. I'd never have the time to go pick them up myself, nor the knowledge of proper directions to navigate around that area. So a huge thankies, and rest assured your PSP games will reach my hands smoothly.
Things to look forward to:
11/7 - Meeting my darling
11/7 - TGIF! Casual day!
11/7 - Meeting NX to pick up my Gary Chaw tickets!
12/7 - tuitioning my little darlings!
12/7 - Geyao sleepover!
12/7 - Gary Chaw concert!
12/7 - keeping myself glued to you for 24 hours
Life looks sweet after all.
3:11 p.m. 2008-07-06
Yes, I'm dreading work. The sole thought of stepping into the cold and miserable environment makes me cringe. It's not that the people there are ill-treating me or that I'm being deprived of meals and thrown into slavery; it's like revisiting something which you're supposed to be an expert at before realising that it's not what it had turned out to be.
And it's back to facing those four walls and a mountain of things I'm still unfamiliar with tomorrow. It's small wonder why I'm counting down to the end of term break as I speak. The only upside to things is the pay and not needing to worry about the exorbitant prices of next term's textbooks. Plus I might be able to pool enough money for a short trip by the end of the year. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.
It's back to Gordon's house for another round of board games and crazy jokes yesterday. The little toy poodle which was being housed temporarily at his house captivated me with its little-girl composure. And we get to see Gordon turning into a little kid when he's interacting with small animals, be it the poodle or his own pet tortoise. It's another 2 rounds or Puerto Rico, 1 round of Bang!, 1 round of Vegas showdown, 1 round of The Game of Life and 1 round or Cluedo. Jack brought along some pricey white wine and the 2 of us had to finish 3/4 of the entire bottle, since Gordon's not a fan of white wine (he added ice cubes to his wine! *Gasps*) and Gerlyn doesn't drink. As usual, I turned tomato-red after that, despite the fact that the alcohol doesn't really work on me. And the G couple did some fair share of bickering during the games, like what they always do. Jack and I would just stare at them and laugh.
Gordon popped the question,"So have the two of you quarrelled?". and Jack had to say,"No lah, but soon, soon.". To set the record straight, I have no intention of starting a quarrel with Mr.Jack, and I do not see the need to do so. I guess we picked up the correct habits for maintaining a strong relationship, which is to learn to apologise. So I do not foresee ourselves getting all fired up at each other, because the amount of self-reflection we do whenever something happens buffers all the possible amount of enmity.
So it's a NO to quarrels, as far as possible.
Well I managed to beat Gordon at Vegas Showdown, didn't do that bad for Puerto Rico, and thoroughly enjoyed myself together with the people I feel comfortable with. And the few minutes we had, just to laze on the seater with the dog resting between us, was priceless.
12:35 a.m. 2008-07-04
Work is hectic, as usual, and I've been working past my cut-off time everyday. Knocking off late seems to be the norm over there. And my eyes are popping out from their sockets, from too much staring at the computer screen. It doesn't help when I have a laptop and a 19-inch monitor. Oh man. Thank God it's Friday.
And thank God I've got you. That little envelope you had sneakily popped into my bag made my night. No more dreary nights, no more crying. My eyes are still damp, but you've given me the strength to resist those tears. Thanks for the confidence, thanks for the love.
7:28 a.m. 2008-07-03
I don't really care if I'm already running late, but there's a bunch of stuff I'll really need to unload. Work has been hectic since it started 2 days ago, and I'm so looking forward to Saturday, even though there's still tuitioning the little prats. At least I get to face little prats, and not adults who love to side-glance you whenever you walk past along the corridor. And the emotional turmoil will continue to fluctuate until the moment I see you again. Like I said, itll be a trying period for us but, looking on the bright side, all this will end on the 11th of August. You can start counting down now.
Starting work at this company, right from the first day, has made me realise how much I miss Chia and Mary and Hamidi and co. at Chevron. Although the responsibility there is much greater and I'm always getting hollered at by customers every now and then, but the kind of chemistry we all had among us was magical. I wouldn't even want to compare.
Okay I need to jump right out and hit the station.
10:30 p.m. 2008-06-30
ďÖitís the little sacrifices we have to makeÖĒ
I couldnít just shut my eyes and ears and pretend that I didnít hear those words or the little crack in your voice. All I could wish for was that you wouldnít see those tears glistening. I understand the kind of pain we have to undergo at this point of time; itís ironic because weíve both found jobs but the misery seems double the amount. Itís not about the potential obstacles at work; itís the stabbing pain you get each moment you wished that someone was there besides you to give you those warm and fuzzy hugs when you needed them most. Itís like taking a deep breath and feeling all the tears rush out of your tear ducts at the mere thought of missing someone. Itís not wanting to wave goodbye every time we part, because Iím afraid I might just cry and make you upset as well.
Iím just waiting for your SMS. Something so simple from you, and yet carries every single word I yearn to hear from you. To tell me that youíre home, safe and sound. To tell me you enjoyed todayís game with my sisters and I. To tell me how much I am missed. And to prove to me, every single time, how lucky I am.
9:17 p.m. 2008-06-29
I woke up in the late morning with a new found sense of despondence, as well as a backache. Iíll probably spend the entire day lazing around, I thought. And it really did happen.
The backache attributed by 6 hours of standing, sitting, railing at pre-teens and photocopying practice papers went away after my bath, but I soon realized that my throat was turning against me at brunch time. Then I became Maria for the day by buying lunch at the market under the hot sun, washing up all the used cups (we had 3 people at home today, and 5 cups. I wonder how many mouths do these people have.), doing the dishes, making the bedÖ It took my mind off wandering, so Iím kind of thankful for staying busy.
I donít know why Iím dreading the interview tomorrow. Itís probably because itís at Woodlands and, if everything goes well, Iíll have to spend an hour or so travelling to and fro office. And no more casual work attire like what I could don back at Chevron; itís office attire, right at the centre of the industrial park. How ironic.
And I can never spell out how I felt, to endure 2 days without you by my side. Now I know why I feel so dreadful today. I miss Dad, and I miss Jack.
8:31 a.m. 2008-06-28
I know I shouldn't be doing this at this point of time, knowing that I'll be running fairly late on my schedule of tuition classes later on at 10. But I need a space to listen to me rant. I won't mind even if it was non-human.
Okay so I landed myself a sore throat and a blocked nose that flicks on and off. It must have been those Wang Wang rice crackers I'm been livng off since Thursday. And I still can't get my hands off them. Oh god.
Oh, and happy 4th month to us. The scare on Wednesday proved more than sufficient that I really need you by my side. It's not like I get to meet someone who's my best friend, doubles as my loved one, and takes on the third role as family (my parents are more concerned about you than they are about me!) every day. And it always feels as though we've been together for ages. We both know that it's been a trying period for us, and life will only continue to get in our way, but I'm sure we'll find our way through with my hand in yours.
Okay I need to sprint.
1:16 a.m. 2008-06-26
I just want to let you know that I'll never want to experience the feeling of living my life without you. The past 19 years of singlehood isn't for nothing; it was to wait for someone like you who is perfect for me. So for the first and the last time round, never EVER put your life in so much danger, ever. And I never want to wait for you in the A&E Emergency again. It drives me nuts having to sit there for 2 hours and not know what the hell was wrong with you. The mental torture hadn't been so bad before, to have the huge urge to cry and yet repress all those tears. But to know that you're now sleeping safely and soundly in your own bed kind of calmed me down.
Thanks to Eugene for the assistance rendered. I'd never know what would happen to Jack if it hadn't been for you.
Count the stars tonight,
And you'll realise that one of them is missing.
That's because it has exchanged itself with you,
All just for me.
12:13 p.m. 2008-06-25
I snuck a peek at my handphone. 11.18am.
Looks like our budget outings have been working brilliantly these few weeks. Minimal spending with optimal entertainment and recreational activities. These few weeks made me realize that money isnít everything. And not having any money doesnít mean nothing as well.
Sorry for this very outdated rant, but Iíd reckon Iím the worst student Winson has ever met. Monday nightís lesson saw me getting totally lost more than just a couple of times during the lesson, while Jack and Jiahui had no problem interpreting his instructions. I think I need a translator; it all sounded like Greek to me. But the upside of this inexperience was that it pushed me to pick up stuff on my own.
Thatís probably because I think Iím really too stupid for my own good.
Lunchtime concert saw its last free concert at the Esplanade Theatres yesterday, with Kewei and her small band. It was a pity, because I was looking forward to more free lunchtime concerts showcasing more of Singaporeís local musical talents. I admit itís partially because of the cheapo junkie in me, but I liked these concerts more for the fact that these musicians put in their best, even if it was for a half-hour free concert. Anway, Kewei was in form, performing favourites like Davidís Regular Friends and Moon Over My Heart, A*Meiís Ren Zhi and Wo Hen Wo Ai Ni, JJ Linís Mu Nai Yi and her own original composition Ru Guo. Overall, Iím satisfied with the songs she dished out, but I was definitely looking forward to something I wouldnít hear over Youtube and Davidís concerts. Her violinist Dennis Lau probably stole the show with his fancy distortion of the violin, varying its effects between a normal violin, and electric violin, a double bass and an electric guitar. Her best friendís vocal backup synced flawlessly with Keweiís voice, like what you always pick up on Youtube, although I had wished that she had been given more chances to sing along instead of just focusing on tinkling the ivories. Overall satisfaction, but the R&B sounded conspicuously like a David rip-off.
And if we ever meet up with your army buddies again, remind me to bring along a jaw support to cushion my jawbone from all that laughter. Now I understand why guys treasure their army buddies that much; the camaraderie they share amongst themselves is flawlessly dear. The rapport they had built during one of the most grueling periods in their lives has to be one of the strongest, and it smelt familiarly like kinship. The banter they exchanged, the harmless yet crude jokes they cracked about each other, the shuffling between languagesÖ So the conscription system is pretty useful as well, although not every soldier which came out of there turned out the same.
The ferris wheel housed within iHub at Pasir Ris (nested snugly besides Downtown East) looked absolutely gorgeous at night. Although it doesnít have the ability to rival the one at Genting Highlands, itís enough for a small country like us. Hello, as if the Singapore Flyer isnít big enough. If it fell off its pivot itíll probably steamroll half of Singapore.
And it's time to grab some lunch and go back to Gunbound!
4:44 p.m. 2008-06-22
My life just seemed more complete with the advent of more things to fill my calendar up with. I'm simply tired to lazing around at home or trudging around shopping malls; it's not like I hate walking around, but I'll be much better of with some jiggle in my pockets.
I realised the only reason why giving tuition is really fun is because everything I do and everything I say becomes really simple all over again. Yesterday's first-time interaction with the children drew valuable lessons for me. It isn't that easy to express yourself with easy terms anymore. I found myself stumbling over my words and getting all tongue-tied while explaining answers to them. I still have a long way to go on this learning curve. And I'm looking forward to next week's session.
I realised, no matter how much we talked, it's never enough, and I can never stop learning. The weather was good to us (it got all thundery and rainy the last time we were there), and the light breeze was pleasantly complementary.
And my Dad just made me smile when he gave me biscuits and told me to "share it with Jack and his family".
Looking forward to:
Guitar holiday workshop (23/6)
Lunchtime concert @ the Esplanade (24/6)
Vocal holiday workshop (25/6)
M.I.A Day (27/6)
Bowling with cT and dUCKY (28/6)
Every single moment spent with you (forever)
I need to grab those Panadol Extras.
11:56 a.m. 2008-06-20
Was abruptly torn from my dream at 7.40am this morning, when Dad woke up all flustered. Apparently the new alarm clock still neeed two AA batteries to work it. I thought I could save on buying batteries.
How we were amazingly able to twist our plans along to circumstances still leaves me baffled, as always.
And it just keeps me smiling.
Caught Get Smart yesterday (another strange twist of time and events, yet again), and we had to be contented with seats on the second row from the screen. I mean, what more do you expect when you're leveraging on $6 student price tickets, 4 days before school reopens and a day after the movie premiered? But it was a good movie with loads of laughter, but contained a fair amount of sexual humour and scenes which made me go "ouch!".
Time for movie-spotting again.
Headed back to YIH for dinner. I kind of dread going back to school like the post-holiday syndrome primary school kid with the fake tummyache. It's not that I hate what I'm studying (in fact I can't wait to nosedive sadistically into a pile of homework and get lost in them), but...
I don't know.
Anyway, they held Basic Keyboard Workshop yesterday, and it's good to see Geyao peeps after such a long time, and re-entering the clubroom brought me back to the time I first stepped in to do my first rehearsal for the internal performance last September. Speaking about memories. Jack messed around with the drums a little, and taught me a thing or two on the drumset. For thr record, I'm a total coordination idiot, so asking me to play the drums was a chore, totally. Besides, I wasn't keen to make my din heard in the whole of YIH. But it was a good experience, though, learning the basic beats. I hereby salute all the drummers out there.
And the digital drums looked gorgeous. Of course I know next to nothing about drums and all that, that's why I found it gorgeous. I popped the image of the digital drums in the studio over to her, and she came back half a minute later with a set of Yamaha digital drums whose price tag started with a '3' and has four digits in it. I'll get her to invest in my music room next time.
And it feels just right to fall asleep beside you, and ignoring the bustle of the crowd on the bus and the incessant swaying.
12:34 a.m. 2008-06-17
Sometimes, you can't just take on all the blame and make me sound like the victime through and through. It doesn't work this way. Not with me, at least. I don't believe in the "you or me" theory of fault; it takes two hands to clap, and even more so when it concerns you, and me. We've got to solve this collectively, because what we've got between us is of utmost importance to me. I'll keep holding on to your hand and let you bring us through this, unless you choose to shake me off.
I know you won't.